I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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