I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
