Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
