Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Vodka?
Forever.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
