i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
