Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
