im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
