i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
