Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so that wasnt chicken after all
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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