the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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