Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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