Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
