All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
