no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It's blow job season.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
