I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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