mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
