i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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