You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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