i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Drunk is not a location!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
