They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
