Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
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And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
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He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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