I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
