worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
