Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
