another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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