He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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