When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
did i just pee glitter
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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