We won't sleep together?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
