shes about as inviting as chlamydia
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
