I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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