Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
