Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
