she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
