Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
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I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
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I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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