i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.