He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.