The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?