i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
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Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
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Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist