i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
smell my finger.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize