I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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