apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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