You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
