why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
