my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He better not be in your backpack
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
