I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
