This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
