if i can run in heels then i can drive
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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