What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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