her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
