i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
