Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
