I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize