I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
