I think I am morally bankrupt
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
