thus making me awesome and them whores
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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