yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
