what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
