So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
