tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize