sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
