I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
