I heard we made out
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
