im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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