Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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