Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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