Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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