"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
