I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
