so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
