he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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