I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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