you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
