I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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