flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
