I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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