So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
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as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
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Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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