He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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