It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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