Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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