whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
