i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
