I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
