Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
