I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
