i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
