Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
