So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
