i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
