I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
