my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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