just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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